Doulos Hope Diaries: Our Love Story (2/4)

After the first conversation, I asked him if he wanted to have tea next time. And he was happy to accept. I had a great conversation with Evert that first night, sharing our God stories. I wanted to know him better as a friend.

I realized Evert liked me after the first few conversations.

He would sit a little bit closer to me than the first time. It was easy to have a conversation with him. He was just as interested in me as I was in him.

The most obvious sign of his attraction to me was when he started appearing in the dining room after the day had ended. My friends would be at their table, doing their assignments after their completing their housekeeping tasks. I would be cleaning up and closing down in the Galley.

When I finished, I would join my friends. Rui and Evangeline always sat opposite each other, so there was always an empty seat in front of me.

Each night, Evert would pretend to be busy working on his phone on a nearby table. But after a few minutes has passed, he would make his way to our table. He would ask if the seat opposite me is taken, and if we minded if he sat with us?

One night, he came over as I was doodling in a big sketchbook. The sketchbook was given to me by my sister Eka, for me to fill while I was on the ship.

"May I see what you're working on?" he asked, a big smile on his face.

I glanced at my friends. They had their heads buried in their books, but they had secret smiles on their faces. I died a little from embarrassment.

"Sure," I said.

I showed him the little things I was doodling and explained what each doodle meant and what they did (I was drawing little sea creatures and elements with sci-fi abilities). He was impressed, and complimented my work.

Then, Evert asked, "Would you like to have a cup of tea with me?" I blinked. "If you don't mind, of course."

"Oh no, of course, that would be lovely," I replied, as I felt my friends' big smiles behind their books.

"I usually drink the Vanilla Rooibos tea," Evert said. "It's really good!"

And thus, every night happened more or less in this manner. We make our Rooibos tea, walk up to Deck 5, and have conversations that often lasted more than 2 hours.

Every time we sat up on Deck 5, we'd be sitting just a little closer. I didn't have any romantic feelings for Evert, but it felt exciting to know that someone likes me so much.

The more I talked with Evert, the more I liked him as a person. I wanted him to be part of my life, as a friend. We were both pleasantly shocked and surprised how aligned our goals, principles and beliefs were.

We both had a deep desire of seeking God and truly wanting God to use us. We both understood God's true nature, and the authority we have in Christ. We had strong family values. We were on the same page politically and morally. We had the same principles regarding finance and planning.

The more we talked and discussed about every aspect of life, the more happy I was to find someone so...ideal.

It was almost as if I found my soulmate. Except...I didn't think my soulmate would have such a thick beard.

I asked Evert if he'd ever tried the different foods in Penang. He hadn't. I was shocked, knowing he'd been in Penang for 2 months already, and yet never tried most of Penang's culinary gems. I offered to bring him out and explore Penang. I was more of a local than he was, although I hailed from Melaka. But my friends and I had roamed around Penang a couple days earlier, so I planned to bring him to the places we had gone before.

Evert was more than happy to accept my offer. So the next day, after I was done with my morning shift in Galley, Evert and I went out together.

On the way back home, we walked by some old Peranakan houses. While we were walking side by side, his hand kept brushing against mine. Evert kept apologizing whenever it happened. I helped him apologize less by walking further away. But my heart was beating like crazy! 🤭 This man really likes me!

Suddenly, a dog from one of the houses lunged out at us from the barred door and barked viciously!

We both leapt in fright and I screamed, thinking the dog was loose. Immediately, Evert put his arms around my shoulder and held me tight as we quickly walked away. (It was so romantic looking back. But in that moment I FELT SO AWKWARD)

After a few moments, Evert removed his hand from my shoulder. We walked along in silence. "Phew," I said, trying to make everything feel less awkward. "That was scary."

"Yeah, that was really scary."

"I didn't know there was a dog there."

"Me too. It was quite sudden."

"Yeah."

We continued walking in silence. "I apologize for just now," Evert said. "When I put my hand on your shoulder."

I brushed it off cheerily. "It's fine, stuff happens."

But inside, I was feeling all sorts of exciting emotions. Fireworks were exploding, butterflies were slamming into each other, and blood was rushing to my cheeks.

And I felt very, very, very...conflicted.

At the beginning of the year, I had made a vow to God about not getting emotionally attached to anyone. I was fully ready to enjoy singlehood for the next 5 years.

But here I was, LIKING a man? Not just any 'like', oh no. This was...a strange like.

The emotional attachment was beginning, if it had not already begun. We went back to the ship, and I made him a local instant noodle hot cup. Sitting opposite him as I watched him eat the noodles, I felt strangely sober.

I knew that despite my mind screaming and yelling at me to 'STOMP OUT THE FEELINGS', I was actually really attracted to this man. We were so compatible in everything, that I could clearly see us being together in the future. I liked his mannerisms, his gentlemanliness and heart for God. I liked Evert.

But I had made a vow. In my mind, Evert was a friend, and strictly a friend.

I looked over at Evert. He smiled at me. And I smiled back at him.

I would not go back on my vow.