Doulos Hope Diaries: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (4/4)

A reflection of my time in Doulos Hope.

Of all the time I spent in Doulos Hope, and all the memories I created, the ones that stick with me are all the horrible people and experiences.

They always remind me of the bad kids in kindergarten. When I was working in a kindergarten, the naughty kids would bring up hell on earth. In those moments, I wanted to do anything but be in that room. The number of times they exhausted me, tested me and pushed me to my wits' end were too many to count.

But after leaving kindergarten, it was only the bad kids that I remembered with fondness.

However, I do not remember with fondness the bad adults in Doulos Hope. I am glad we have parted ways, and quite glad that the odds are that I'd never see them again. But I am more than grateful for all they have indirectly taught me.

These awful people have shown me what not to become. These awful people have shown me what are the things I'd hate to inflict on other people. These awful people have shocked me with how they carry themselves and yet calling themselves followers of Christ.

But yet, these awful people have shown me my flaws.

They have shown me that I am awful in communication, I am judgmental, I am easily caught up in emotion, I find it harder to recover from overwhelming situations, I am unmerciful, I am mean, I am biased, I do not show God's love, because I do not have God's love, and I am not the ideal person I want to be.

And yet, these awful people make me realize how Christ truly loves all, without looking at your flaws or faults.

It made my eyes open to how, despite the depth in which I hate that person, it will not change how Christ sees them. God will never give up on them.

And KNOWING the truth that Christ forgives these awful people, and loves these awful people, and KNOWING what God wants from me:

Ephesians 5:1-2 NLT.
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.

Has made me realize that in a lot of ways, I am just as awful as all those people. Knowing God, knowing Christ, has made me realize that I need God's grace, mercy and love just as much as I think others need Him.

And for that, I am thankful. I am thankful that He HAS given me His grace, mercy and love, and every second is a second I can remind myself of His love, and start anew to see people not with my eyes, but with His eyes.

I'm grateful for my time in Doulos Hope. I'm grateful for all those awful people. I'm grateful for all the lessons learnt.